


Blood is Rare and Sweet as Cherry Wine

by sentimental_boy



Series: Matt Murdock imagines [74]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Recovery, themes of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 16:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14047806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentimental_boy/pseuds/sentimental_boy
Summary: “Matt, are you listening to me?”He blinks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear any of that.”“What’s wrong? Is someone hurt?” Yes. “Do you need to go vaulting into the distance to save them?” No.“Y/n, I know you have a big bruise under your eye. What’s it from this time?”You’re quiet for a long while. “How can you tell?”“Does it matter? It isn’t something you can hide from me. I mean, you know I’m a human lie detector, right?”“So why do you bother asking, if you know I’m not telling the truth?”“Because I’m hoping one of these days you will."





	Blood is Rare and Sweet as Cherry Wine

At first, he wasn’t sure. He’d hug you and you’d wince when his hand brushed your rib. You laughed it off.

 

“Matt, you know how clumsy I am. I ran into a railing.”

 

He nodded, let out a laugh and a concerned ‘be careful’ to put you at ease, but he knew something was off. While he’s been present for many such occasions, he’s also told that kind of lie too many times to mistake it for anything else. Even if he couldn’t hear your heartbeat kick into overdrive, and calm down when he went along with it.

 

He murmurs your name. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

 

“I know, Matt.”

 

As much as he didn’t like any of it, he let it go. If you don’t want to tell him something, that’s your right.

 

Except, it keeps happening. A friendly squeeze of your shoulder at Josie’s one night has you inhaling with a sharp breath. He stops, asks if you’re okay.

 

“I’m fine. It’s… work. It’s a fast-paced environment with too many people and not enough space. Someone flung a door open and clipped my shoulder.”

 

And he almost believes that one. You tell him stories like that all the time. Except, your heart betrays you. It’s been awhile since the rib, though so he gives you your space again.

 

A couple months go by, everything’s fine. After what Mary did to him, he’s paranoid. He knows that. But he cares  _ so much _ \- too much- about you. Then you meet up again and he can’t ignore it. He's sitting on his sofa, talking to you when he notices it. Your face is always expressive- he can sense that. If he’s close enough, and the room is quiet enough, he can hear the way your muscles move. How the blood reroutes under your skin. Tonight isn’t any different. Except, he can smell the amount of product on your face. It’s more than you usually wear- especially when it’s only you and him. He wonders if it’s because he’s blind or if you’re comfortable enough with him that you wouldn’t wear it anyway. More likely a mixture of both. But that’s not the point. You’re hurt. Again. When he listens, he can hear the way the blood pools under the surface of your skin. They way it struggles through crushed and broken blood vessels and capillaries.

 

“Matt, are you listening to me?”

 

He blinks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear any of that.”

 

“What’s wrong? Is someone hurt?”  _ Yes. _ “Do you need to go vaulting into the distance to save them?”  _ No. _

 

“Y/n, I know you have a big bruise under your eye. What’s it from this time?”

 

You’re quiet for a long while. “How can you tell?”

 

“Does it matter? It isn’t something you can hide from me. I mean, you know I’m a human lie detector, right?”

 

“So why do you bother asking, if you know I’m not telling the truth?”

 

“Because I’m hoping one of these days you will. If there are things that you don’t want me to know about your life, that’s fine. What’s not fine is that someone is hurting you. You know I love you.” It feels strange- almost like a lie- saying those three words to you, knowing you're not hearing them how he intends them. But he wouldn't have said it if he thought you'd see through him. Not now, like this. “You know I’m here for you, and I have the ability to help. Please, let me in.” You stay silent. He lets his statements hang there for a minute before saying your name. More silence, but this time it’s accompanied by tears he can hear sliding down your skin, dropping off your face and soaking into your jeans one by one. “Oh, y/n, come here.” He opens his arms, feeling the couch shift before you curl into him and sob. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here, I have you.” He strokes his hand through your hair. “And you’ll always have me.” Once again, he feels the weight of that statement more than you know. “Okay? We’ll figure this out together.”

 

You nod against his chest as he sits there, unaware of exactly how much of an anchor he is for you right now. You try to wipe your eyes, to move on to the part where you can actually talk to Matt about it. But every time you wipe your eyes and try to start speaking, your throat closes up again.

 

“It’s okay, take as long as you need. You don’t have to talk about it tonight.”

 

You squeeze him tighter.

 

-0-

 

You wake up tucked into Matt’s bed and wonder what happened for a moment. Then last night comes crashing back. You ugly sobbed into Matt’s chest until you couldn’t anymore. You can still feel it in your throat. The last thing you want to do is face him after that, so you get up and try to sneak out. Halfway to the door, he calls your name. You let out a breath of defeat and turn to face where he’s sitting up on the sofa.

 

“You don’t have to avoid me now. I won’t push if you don’t want to talk about it.”

 

You scoff. “But you will make those worried, Murdock puppy eyes at me, and that’s worse.” The smile you get out of him is almost worth him catching you trying to sneak out of his apartment. It’s almost worth having to talk to him about everything going on. You know he has a myriad of issues he should be dealing with himself. You’ll have to puppy eye him into letting you help him one of these days. You’re still working on how you’re going to convince a blind man with facial expressions. “Well, Matt, I kind of have to tell you now.” You say as you come over to sit next to him. “I love you too, you know. And I know how much you care about people you don’t even know. So I can’t come here, cry myself to sleep in your arms, and not tell you what’s going on. Also, you’re brutally honest, and I'm sure I need some of that right now.”

 

“Okay.” It's a soft, calm statement as he stands. It's something you'll always appreciate about him. “I’m going to start coffee and breakfast. You can talk about it now, or we can talk after we eat. It’s up to you.”

 

An hour of small talk later, you decide enough is enough.

 

“So, I assume you already have your suspicions that um- that Zach is hurting me.”

 

“I knew something was going on, and I know the statistics better than most. Abuse usually comes from someone you love- or who claims to love you. And sometimes they do in their own, fucked up way.” He pauses. “The thought crossed my mind.”

 

“It’s not always. It’s not even often.” You murmur.

 

Matt takes a breath. “Does that matter?”

 

“I know the answer seems obvious. But Matt, you don’t know what it’s like to be there, in it. He- I don’t know.” You bite your lip when you feel it start trembling as you try to steady your breaths.

 

“He’s sweet?”

 

You let out a breath and look at him shocked.

 

He raises his brows. “Right? He’s sweet when he’s not being a violent and emotionally abusive dick.”

 

“Matt, if you’re going to take this tone with me, we’re done here. I don’t need this.”

 

He lets out a measured breath. “I’m sorry. I care about you a lot. I’m not blaming you. But I  _ do _ know first hand how easy it is to justify these things when you love someone.”

 

“What?”

 

Matt nods. “I don’t know if you remember Mary.”

 

“Yeah, was she hurting you?”

 

He swallows and shrugs. “Not physically. It started out small. Dismissing my opinion with jokes, trying to get me to stop going out with you, Foggy, and Karen. Small things that were easy to ignore at first. Then she cheated on me. That in itself is a shitty thing to do, but it’s not  _ abusive _ . What made it abusive was that she turned it around on me. She told me I was never around, so what was she supposed to do? I realized that it was true, and I couldn’t tell her I was Daredevil, so she had no idea why. She left  _ me  _ feeling guilty. The thing was, at that point I knew it was unhealthy, but I loved her. I took her back.”

 

For a moment, you’re outraged. Then you realize that you know exactly what that’s like.

 

“The longer I was with her, the worse it got. She got comfortable, stopped holding back. She’d turn on a dime and be mad at me for something stupid. Instead of addressing the problem, when I’d ask what I did, she’d ignore me. I'd tear myself apart until I figured it out and she would let me until I apologized. I was always walking on eggshells, not wanting to upset her.”

 

“How did none of us notice?”

 

He shrugs. “Domestic abuse is a gendered crime. It happens to men too, but not as often and most of the time, it's not as obvious. You guys did notice things here and there. I brushed it off, and most of it was in private. I figured, couples fight. It’s the way things are. But it shouldn’t be all the time, and it shouldn’t ever be with the goal of controlling your significant other or making them feel small. The worst part was that I had so much self-loathing already that I thought that she was  _ kind _ . When I laid next to her at night, listening to her heart, I thought: Wow, I can’t believe how lucky I am. She puts up with me even though I make her so mad. I'd vow to be better for her. I thought that those few moments that we had of peaceful closeness made it all worth it.”

 

“What woke you up?”

 

“Retrospect. Uh, she broke up with me. That’s why I’m so passionate about it. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did. I made the mistake of thinking I had to pull myself back up alone. I need you to know that I’m here. Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do, so I’m not going to make you do it, okay?”

 

You lean in, wrapping your arms around him and nodding against his chest. “Before Zach hit me, he was emotionally manipulative. I had a talk with him, trying to work it out, present my concerns. He ended up telling me that if I left him I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who was willing to put up with my bullshit.”

 

“Your bullshit?” Matt asks, disgusted.

 

You shrug. “I don’t know. When I get insecure or whatever. I don’t know exactly what he was talking about.”

 

Matt sighs. “You know why? Because he's trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you won't realize that you deserve so much better.”

 

“Yeah.” You murmur.

 

“I’m not convinced.”

 

“Neither am I.”

 

He squeezes you tighter. “Y/n, you have at least three close friends who will be happy to listen to you and walk you through whatever life throws at you. You know that, right?”

 

“In my head I do, but Matt, there’s always this little voice in my head making anything anyone does because they don’t like me. And that they’re right not to like me because remember that normal thing you said earlier? Well, it freaked them out. One time I was at the movies with these two people. We were in line and if we sat in the order we were standing, I would be sitting next to this guy we were with. I kinda liked him, but that’s beside the point. The girl switched spots with him, exclaiming that she wanted to sit with me. You know what my first thought was? It was: Oh, she’s saving her friend from having to sit with me because I’m being weird.  _ That’s  _ how my brain works. It’s how it worked before I met Zach. It’s part of why it was so easy for him to manipulate me.”

 

“I know what you mean. I constantly feel like I don’t deserve you guys. And not only because of how I’ve screwed everyone over with my night job. Like, at the core, as a person, I inherently don’t deserve the people in my life. Y/n, no one is forcing anybody to invite you places. If it were pity, we wouldn’t invite you out as much as we do. But we enjoy your company. We do. I know it won’t help, not right away, but I need you to hear it.”

 

-0-

 

It’s years later when you reciprocate Matt’s feelings. After you’ve had a chance to heal, and Matt had a chance to move on from you. The keyword here: chance. Of course, he dated here and there, but he came to the conclusion that he would have to settle for second best or nothing. Not that, you know, he’s actually told you how he feels. But you’ve had plenty of time and opportunity and it hasn’t happened. So, he’ll stay by your side as a friend.

 

You’re the last two left at the bar when Josie kicks you out.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry about Krystan, man.” You tell him as he takes your arm and the two of you start down the street.

 

He shrugs. “Nothing to be sorry for. We gave it a few dates, neither of us were into it, we moved on. You know I’ve never been able to hold anyone down. Mary was my longest relationship and you know how that went.”

 

“Well, you can hold me down anytime, Murdock.” You bump shoulders with him.

 

He lets out a laugh.

 

“Seriously, though. I don’t get it. I’d hella date you.”

 

Matt has to check himself after he hears those words from you. His laugh is forced now. “Can I get that in writing?”

 

“Sure. I’ll make t-shirts if you want.”

 

“I’d accept, but how would I know you’re wearing them?”

 

“Good point. I guess not, then. We’ll save the money; that seems expensive.”

 

He chuckles. “Did you mean it, though?” His half sober mind can’t stop his drunk mind from vomiting feelings all over you.

 

There’s a long silence.

 

“I’m sorry, do you mind if I take that question back for processing?” He asks with a wince.

 

“Too late. It’s already been processed and approved over here.” You smile. “Yeah, Matt, I meant it.”

 

Matt doesn’t know what to do now that he as this information. He just stands there, stunned. “Do you-” He stops and rephrases, not wanting to sound too pathetic. “I love you, y/n. I mean it.”

 

“Matt, you’re my closest friend. I’m not going to consider dating you because it’ll be a temporary fun time. I love you too, dumbass.”

 

“Can I kiss you now?” He grins.

 

“Yeah, I think you should.” You lean in, resting your forehead on his.

 

He leans in, closing the distance between you. It’s a little sloppy- you’ll chalk that up to the alcohol- but it still makes you grin like an idiot. When you pull back, Matt’s hand is still cupping your face.

 

“Aww, you’re blushing.” He smiles, swiping his thumb along your cheek.

 

“Shut up, Matthew.” You let yourself fall forward, resting your face in the crook of his neck.

 

He smiles, letting his hands rest on your back. He wants to remember this feeling forever. Having you in his arms, the utter joy and contentment knowing you feel the same.

 

-0-

 

You wake up to the frigid air trying to nip at you through the  _ silk _ sheets. That’s new and different. As is the warm body pressed against your back. The warm shirtless body. Your eyes fly open.  _ Matt’s, _ warm, shirtless body. You feel him stirring behind you, taking a deep breath where his nose is buried in the crook of your neck, arms winding tighter around your waist.

 

“Hey.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to your neck, then your jaw, then your temple. He furrows his brows as he becomes more aware of his surroundings. Of your state of being. “You okay? Your heart’s beating out of your chest.”

 

“I’m-” you let out a breath. “I don’t know what to do now.”

 

Matt freezes. His mind starts going through everything that happened, every minute reaction you gave last night. Trying to figure out where he went wrong. Then he feels you trying to move and his heart breaks because- no. He just got you. But he lets go anyway, only to feel you turn and cup his face in your hand.

 

When you see Matt’s face, he looks like he’s about to cry and you feel horrible for taking so long to answer. “Hey, Matt, it’s not bad, I love you. I don’t know what to do now that I have you like this.”

 

He takes a breath and presses his lips together, trying to blink away his emotions.

 

“Hey, Matt, it’s okay.” You run your hand through his hair and he pulls you close again. “I’m sorry; I phrased it wrong.”

 

He shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” He lets out a measured breath. “I just- I thought you had too much to drink last night and were changing your mind and it spiraled from there. I’ve uh, I’ve wanted this for so long now.” He was going to add more, about how his sleep addled brain got carried away but leaves it at that.

 

You pull back enough to find his lips and press a firm kiss there.

 

“Sorry.” He lets out a breath. “Bet this is looking good to you. Day one and I’m already this clingy.”

 

“You forget: I know you. If anyone has any reason to have abandonment issues, it’s you. This isn’t actually day one of our relationship. It’s day one of not having to watch that our touches don’t linger or become anything other than friendly.”

 

“I love you so much.” It’s all he can think to say.

 

“So, tell me more about that. You said you’ve wanted this for so long now. How long is so long?”

 

“Since I got over Mary.” His cheeks go pink as he mumbles his response.

 

“It’s been like 6 years? And you never said anything?”

 

He winces. “Okay, that sounds bad. But you have to admit, our dating lives have never aligned.”

 

“I’m not mad, Matt. I’m just surprised. And there was no friend zone bullshit?”

 

He shrugs. “I was your friend. Yes, I wanted more, but that was my problem, not yours.”

 

“I know you don’t deserve an award for you know, not being a dick about it, but 6  _ years _ ?”

 

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to be  _ so _ shocked. I mean, how long has it been for you?”

 

“The first time I remember thinking about you like that was as I was getting over Zach.”

 

“See, so it’s good that I waited. Imagine if I had told you right away. You would’ve let me down easy and I would’ve been embarrassed. Then you would’ve felt bad for me and we would’ve drifted apart.”

 

You let out a defeated breath. “But Matt, you just watched while I went through what- 10 guys?”

 

“Technically I listened and it was 7. God’s holy number. That is- if we’re counting anyone who lasted longer than two months. Less than that- I don’t have a number for you.”

 

You elbow him.

 

“Hey, I’m not judging. It’s about how many women I slept with. I never could get that relationship part to work out.”

 

“Well, I have a distinct feeling that this time is going to be different. For both of us.”

 

He gives you a soft smile. “Me too.”

 


End file.
